Showing Instead of Telling

Showing instead of telling can greatly improve your writing and your word count. If you look through your writing, and find that you could be more descriptive, chances are, there is too much telling. How do I fix it, you ask? It's not hard if you put your mind to it.

Here is an example of telling,
Laila walked across the room and looked out the window to see a creepy fog over the harbor.

Here is how to show that same scene,
Laila glided across the dark room, watching out the window as an eery fog descended over the harbor.

There's definitely a difference, right? In the first example, you get a general sense of the scene, but it's not enough to make you feel there. However, in the second example, you see things more clearly.

You never want to tell emotions, either. Don't say Sally is sad, show it. Don't tell the reader David is angry, show it.

To fix scenes like this in your story, use richer adjectives and more descriptive verbs. Adverbs are okay, but using too many can become annoying for a reader.

 This doesn't mean to overload your sentences with adjectives, TOO much description isn't okay either.  Here is an example of using too much description:

Paul nervously approached the cherry red front door and shakily jolted the gold knocker as his hand shook.

See how this is too much? I was adding adjectives, just to add adjectives, not to help the story. Readers need a little freedom to imagine. Adding adjectives can also become repetitive. For example, we already know that he was shaky as knocked on the door, so why do we need to know his hand shook? Here is the same sentence, but with a more controlled use of adjectives:

Paul's whole body shook as he approached the cherry red door. His sweaty palms tightened as he used the gold-plated knocker to aware the house of his presence. 

We still know he is nervous, without being repetitive.  There are now two sentences, but it's necessary to explain the situation with it becoming a run-on sentence.

Dialogue can also be a form of telling. If a character knows another character knows something, they shouldn't tell that character what the other character already knows. (This is a bit confusing, and a tongue twister, but I can't think of another way to explain it!) It is possible to weave in the information though. For example, if Fred knows his friend, Bob wants a scooter instead of a bike, he shouldn't ask Bob if he wants a bike.

I hope this post will help those who are a little unclear. If you have any more questions, comment them below!